not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
