How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
