We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize