don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
