we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize