The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
