Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
