i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
