He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize