Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
