mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize