I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
