we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
