You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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