we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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