Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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