I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
