I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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