this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
