I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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