i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
