also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
