u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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