i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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