1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't make out with my wife yet
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
