My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
