See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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