We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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