oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize