mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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