New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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