I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
