If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FUCK WHALES
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
