Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
