the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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