Duck Duck Cougar?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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