So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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