If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
