I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're completely useless in the revolution.
420 ftw
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
MIDGETS
????
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
