He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
