the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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