he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My dick has a subreddit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
