When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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