You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
