Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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