well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize