so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
