If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
