Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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