I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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