well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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