My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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