I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
