i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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