I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
