Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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