After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
