did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
