So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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