Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
