just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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