its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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