dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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