im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
