Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
