How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
