This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
