Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
