so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
