omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
