K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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