I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
