i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
